I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
