yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
