just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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