I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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