Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize