he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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