I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
