Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
