I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
