Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
