I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
