It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
