Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize