i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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