If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
