i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
