he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
