your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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