he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize