I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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