but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
