somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My ass is underappreciated
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
