So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
