i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
