You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
