She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
