I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
