I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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