I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
