I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
