the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
