She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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