His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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