I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
