No stitches, just platelets and will power
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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