Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
