Umm I'm too high to move.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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