please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
