If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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