New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
