Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
