I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
