i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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