there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
