and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
