i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
