I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
