The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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