respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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