Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
