he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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