dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
