I'm going to jail i love you
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
