You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
