I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
