I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My dick has a subreddit
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
