ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
