oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
