Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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