TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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