Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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