i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
