At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
