Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
