i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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