Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
