i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
