Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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