At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
