i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
