Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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