Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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