47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
